“No need to put up with mediocre relations”

Any unmarried woman after 25-30 years old heard “valuable” advice to reduce the bar, think about age, and settled down. Psychologist Juliana Breine explains why these recommendations do not need to follow.

It is unlikely that anyone will directly say that it is time to agree to any option, just not to be left alone. It is unlikely that acquaintances openly convince to meet a man who does not like and not worthy of you. Still, the society presses, makes us definitely look for a pair, even if others do not talk about it obviously.

Unmarried women over 30 are called too demanding, called for reducing the bar. They more often encounter social rejection and become the object of negative stereotypes. Since childhood, we have been inspired that the value of a woman is directly related to the ability to find a life partner. The wedding marks the transition to adulthood. Marriage is the most important relationship in adulthood. We cannot consider ourselves intact until we find the second half. Control argument: biological clock is ticking.

It is not surprising that people are in a hurry to settle down, even if they are not ready or did not meet a suitable person. However, it is better to be one than to agree to what is. No need to humble yourself with mediocre relations, wait a person with whom you will become truly happy. Here are a few scientific arguments for.

Fear of loneliness shifts priorities

In 2013, a group of scientists under the leadership of Stefani Spilmann from the University of Wayne in Detroit conducted a survey and found out that for people who are afraid of loneliness, it is more important not the quality of relations, but their presence. They agree with statements like “I am afraid that it will soon become too late to look for love” and “The older I become, the more difficult it is to find someone”. And less often express dissatisfaction with relations, even if there are real problems in them.

Psychologists also conducted a study in which online dating staged. A self -sufficient person is unlikely to show interest in the user who in the profile reports: “I love my work. I need a person who will respect this and, if necessary, will go into the background “. But people who cannot stand loneliness, this categoricality in a potential partner confuses much less often.

When the fear of loneliness controls our solutions, we often make the wrong choice and become even more single

It is logical to assume that for them any relationship is better than their absence. Researchers found out: in unsuccessful relationships, they feel as depressed and abandoned as those who have no partner at this moment.

Social relations are important for well -being, so we are looking for close relations. But when the fear of loneliness controls such solutions, we often make the wrong choice. And as a result we become even more lonely and vulnerable. No need to treat a partner as in a game of chairs, where the main thing is to take any chair, just not to stand. This approach prevents the signals that suggest that a person is not suitable.

Independence has advantages

Unmarried women are usually considered immature, selfish and inappropriate to life. Sometimes they are even refused to rent apartments, preferring a “more reliable” married couple. In fact, free people are often less selfish than married or living with a partner, they often help relatives, friends and sick parents.

Do not follow the lead of popular stereotypes. It doesn’t matter why you or someone is not married, it can be a temporary situation or a conscious life choice. Freedom from a relationship makes it possible to build strong friendship, devote yourself to your favorite classes and develop self -esteem, which does not depend on the opinion of the partner or others. This will benefit you when you meet “your” person and build relationships. If you are unhappy with your life, you will probably wait for your partner to satisfy

your needs and make it better. Over time, this will destroy relationships. If you are so good, there will be no unrealistic expectations that will interfere with your happiness.